Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Everytime I see your face,
Everytime you look my way
It's like it all falls into place,
And everything feels right"
- Simple Plan
*~~***~~*







I just needed some time by myself, time to think things out and figure where my life was going. So when the bus stopped for the night, I told the guys I’d be back in a few minutes, grabbed my hoodie, and stepped out into the chilly night. I sat on a bench a little ways away from the bus, and watched as Joel peered anxiously out the window, trying to make sure I was okay. He couldn’t see me in the dark, and I knew he was worried. Billy pulled him away from the window and I knew he had roped him into playing some video game. I sat there with my head in my hands, trying to get a hold of myself and my situation. It had been half a year since Benji’s death, and I had just confessed my love for Joel. I felt like I was betraying both of them. A part of my heart was buried along with Benj, so I could never give myself completely to Joel. And did I want to? Benji would have wanted me to move on, to find someone who would love me with all his heart, just like he had. But how would he feel about me being with his twin? If he were still alive, well then none of this would have happened. God, I should have been with him that night. What was I thinking? The tears slipped steadily from my eyes. Why? Why was my life destined to fall down around me? Why did everyone I loved disappear from my life? Was I cursed? I was full out sobbing now, and I remembered the day when Benj and I had first proclaimed our love for each other, in a place not unlike this one, on a night not unlike this.

It was cold, so cold. I was snuggled under my comforter, trying to get warm, when I heard the tap of rocks hitting my window. I got out of bed, shivering, and opened the blinds to view Benji sitting on the roof right outside. “Oh my God Benj, don’t do that! You scared the crap out of me!” He laughed, “Come on; let’s go, before someone wakes up.” I opened the window, “Let me get some clothes on, gees, I’m in my pajamas.” He grinned lopsidedly, “It’s not such a bad view.” I slapped him on the shoulder and pulled the blinds down again, leaving the window open, before stepping to the closet and grabbing jeans, a bra, and a hoodie. I yanked my pajamas off and pulled the clothes on as quickly as possible. I heard chuckling, and I turned around. Benji had opened the blinds and was watching me. “Why did I even bother pulling them down? Perv!” He just laughed at me, and grabbed me by the hand, helping me out onto the roof. He scrambled down the drainpipe, and helped me down.

I raced him to the car and jumped into the driver’s seat before he could get there, slamming the door shut and locking the car. “Katie!! Get out!! Come on, aren’t we going somewhere? Let me drive, scooch over!” I pressed my face against the glass and made faces at him, immediately regressing to about 5 years old and giggling hysterically when he gave me a puppy dog pout. “That ain’t gonna work with me, sweetheart, sorry.” He gave me the finger, and I gasped, pretending to be offended. “Now you are definitely not getting this car back. Bye Benj!” I waved playfully from the window, and went to put the car in gear. Then I realized that I didn’t have the keys, Benji did. I sighed and put my head down on the steering wheel, before reaching over to unlock the doors. “I give up, get in, let’s go.” I climbed over into the passenger seat and he hopped in the car, scowling at me. “I’m gonna make you pay for that you know.” I feigned being scared, “Oh no, save me, someone, ah!” He scowled and poked me in the arm, before putting the car in gear and starting the engine. We drove around for about an hour, before Benji found the place he was looking for. It was a dark secluded spot, with nothing but a few old park benches under the shade of towering weeping willow trees. He stopped the car, put it in park and pulled the keys from the ignition before looking over at me. “Well?” I gave him a questioning look, “Where are we?” He gave me a look before climbing out of the car and coming over to open my door and help me from the car. “You’ll see.”

I followed him as he parted the weeping willow’s branches and pulled me down onto one of the park benches. Under the branches, we were completely invisible to anyone on the outside. He draped an arm around my shoulders, and I froze. I had a huge crush on him, and it was no secret to any of my friends. But did he know? I had told Joel and he had sworn he wouldn’t breathe a word of it. And now, being so close to him, I was freaking out. He and Joel were my best friends. It might be weird being with Benj, actually being with him. “What do you think true love is like?” I glanced at him quizzically. It wasn’t a strange question, I just wasn’t expecting it. “I think it’s when you can’t live without that special person. When all you ever think of is them. When you don’t feel whole if they’re not with you. When your heart starts racing just because they’re near you. When you can’t sleep at night because you’re wondering what they’re doing at that exact moment. It’s like that weightless feeling you get when you’re swimming, like your stomach dropping out from under you on a roller coaster. It’s feeling you can just be yourself and screw what the world expects of you, because you know that person cares about you.” He nodded with each word I said and then added his own feelings. “I think I understand what you’re saying. It’s when you can stare into each other’s eyes and never say a single word, when you feel the other even if you’re a thousand miles away, when every time you close your eyes you see them. It’s like the world is a better place just because you know they’re in it.” I smiled at him. “Yeah, it’s exactly like that.” He tightened his arm around my shoulders more. “Then I think I’m truly in love.” I turned to him quickly, my eyes questioning, my heart pounding, hoping that he meant what he said. “Are you sure? How can you tell?” I was so nervous. I wiped my hands on my jeans. “Because I can’t concentrate when you’re near me. Because you make me feel complete. Because you bring out the real me, the me I never show anybody. Because I fall for you all over again every time you take my hand.” I threw my arms around him. “You don’t know how happy I am that you said all that. I love you Benji. I always have. I was too afraid to tell you.” He gazed into my eyes, “I love you too, Katie.” He pressed his lips to mine, and we sealed our love with a kiss.

I realized I had been gone for quite a while. I was shaking my fists at the sky and yelling at God when Billy found me. “I figured you might need someone to talk to, and that you didn’t want Joel to find you right now, so I volunteered to come and get you.” I patted the spot on the bench next to me and he sank down onto it. “So what were you thinking about out here?” I wiped a tear from my cheek. “The night Benj and I declared our love for one another.” He smiled, “I remember that. You guys were so crushing on each other for like a year, and neither of you would say anything. You were both so stubborn. I think it was Joel who finally prodded him into saying something. He knew Benji was going to your house that night and he told him to tell you. And he finally listened.” I chuckled a bit, “Wow he’s sure a helpful guy, isn’t he?” Billy and I burst out laughing. “So what were you really pondering out here?” I bit my lip, “I was thinking how could I be in love with Joel when Banji’s only been gone half a year. I feel guilty, like I’m betraying him or something.” He shook his head, “Nah, he’d want you to be happy. I think he’d be happy you were with Joel. You know, he made Joel promise he would take care of you if anything ever happened to him. That was a long time ago, like before we even graduated high school. He was always worried about you when he wasn’t with you. And I bet he’s still worrying about you. He’s your guardian angel, Kate. He’s always with you.” I smiled at Billy’s logic. Thank God there was one sensible person on our bus. Well, most of the time. “Thanks. Hey, let’s go try that new video game you just got. I bet I can whoop your ass this time.” He grinned as he stood up. “That’s what you think.”

I stood up, stretching slowly, “Hey, race you to the bus!” I took off at a sprint, turning behind me to see him starting to catch up. I laughed and ran faster, reaching the bus a few feet ahead of him. We clambered in, breathing heavily. “Hey! Where have you two been? Sounds like someone was having fun!” Paul laughed uproariously as a hurt look came over Joel’s face. “We raced to the bus, dipstick,” I said as I yanked Paul’s hat down over his eyes and pushed him back into his bunk. I went and plopped down on Joel’s lap. “So don’t look so hurt babe. I had time to sort things out, and I’m good. Now let’s break out the game system. I have an ass-whooping to deliver.” Five rounds later, Billy and I were still going at it. Chris and Paul had fallen asleep, and Joel was lying next to me with his head on my shoulder, watching the game intently. “Come on, just give up! You’re never gonna win!” Billy laughed at me as he maneuvered his controller. “Hey, who won the last 2 rounds? That would be me, sucker!” Then I watched my player crash and burn on the screen, “Alright I give up, I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” I got up off the floor and changed into my pajamas in the bathroom, before climbing into my bunk. I fell asleep alone, listening to Billy and Joel talking in the other room. Later that night, I felt Joel climb into the bunk next to me, placing his arms around me and nuzzling his head into my shoulder before he fell asleep. I sighed and let sleep overtake me once more.