Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

“Memories roll in,
of the things you once did
and who you had shared them with.”
- Coheed & Cambria

"It’s something unpredictable, but in the end its right, I hope you had the time of your life…” I was bouncing around my room getting ready for HFStival. I was the happiest I had been in a while. I was 18 years old, officially, and ready to go. We’d just graduated high school, thank god. I’d been dating Benji for like 2 years now, and we were tighter than ever. “So take the photographs and still frames in your mind, hang them on a shelf in good health and good time. Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial…” I smiled as I looked at the tattoos on my arms. Benj had begged at his favorite tattoo parlor for them to let him do a tattoo on me. They’d relented, maybe because he’d promised he was getting a new tat that day anyway. So he’d made an awesome dragon on my right shoulder, where people could see it when I wore sleeveless tops. It had a scroll in its hands that said ‘Benji & Katie’ and underneath the dragon there was a little handwriting thing that said ‘1996 – forever’. It had nearly made me cry, it was so beautiful. I had asked the tattoo guy to do my next one, a tattoo on my left forearm, of Alice from Alice in Wonderland, my favorite movie ever. I smiled. Benj had told me that day that now I was an official riot girl. That had brought my total number of tattoos up to 5, including the butterfly on my lower back, the nautical stars on my stomach below my belly button, and the Chinese lettering on the back of my neck. I was so happy about them, and about my lip piercing, which I had gotten the day I turned 18. Benj had taken me for that one too. And the nose piercing.

“For what it’s worth, it was worth all the while…” I twirled about, in a happy daze, grabbing clothes off the bed and sorting through them, trying to find my Blondie tank top. They were playing today, and I wanted to show my love and also I just loved the shirt. I found my shirt, oh goody. Last year’s show had been awesome! Garbage had played, and Goldfinger, two bands I loved. And Jimmie’s Chicken Shack was playing this year again. I was almost entirely dressed, but still humming to myself, so I didn’t hear the door open. “It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right…” I whirled around, realizing I wasn’t alone. Someone else was singing. “I hope you had the time of your life…” I threw my arms around Benji. “Don’t sneak up on me like that!” I playfully smacked his arm. “What? You don’t like my singing?” I laughed, “You know how much I love your singing. Now, have you seen my new wristband?” He grinned sheepishly, and pulled it off his wrist. “Sorry, I stole it for a while. Didn’t think you’d notice.” I grabbed my pillow and started whacking him with it, “Thief! How dare you!” I took my wristband from him and pulled it on quickly. “So are you ready to go then?” He put on a puppy-dog look, trying to get me to forgive him quicker. “Yeah, let’s go.” I popped a kiss on his lips and grabbed my purse as I went out the door.

It was still early in the day when me, Benji, Joel, Billy and Paul got to the stadium. I was so hyped up on sheer energy; I was bouncing around the whole place like crazy. “Jees Kate, calm down, we haven’t even gotten in the pit yet. Save some of it for later.” I bounced over to Joel and jumped on him, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. “What? No way! I’m so excited!!” He laughed and gave me a squeeze before dropping me to the ground. I bounced off to Benji, hopping in circles around him. He draped an arm around me and whispered in my ear, “Calm down baby, we gotta go get good spots in the pit.” I calmed a bit and let him steer me off towards the sectioned off area. “Hey, do u guys want anything to eat? I’m starving!” Paul nudged me in the arm until I turned his way. “Um…yeah actually I am hungry. Let’s get some nourishment before we get in the pit.” We all headed off for the refreshment stands. “Hey, Katie, c’mere a second.” I wrapped an arm around Benji. “Okay, hang on a second…Hey Joel! Get me a beer wouldya? And a slice of pizza! I’ll pay you back later.” He nodded to show he’d heard me, and Benj led me off to the side. “So what did you want to talk to me about?” He just locked his eyes on mine, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me close to him. “Just this.” He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. I deepened the kiss, pressing myself closer to him. When we pulled away, I sighed a contented sigh. “So you just wanted an excuse to make-out? Smooth Benjamin, smooth.” He laughed and steered me back towards the refreshment stands.

I tiptoed up behind Joel and threw my hands over his eyes, “Guess who”. He yanked my hands away and turned around to hand me my beer and pizza. “Mmmm pizza.” Benji grabbed my slice and took a bite. “Hey! I had to pay for that you know!” Joel punched him in the arm. “Oh, well you want a bite too, bro?” I took my pizza back. “Thanks a lot. Now there’s like none left.” I ate the pizza anyway and before I knew it, had downed about 3 beers. “Come on you guys; let’s get in the pit quickly, before it fills up.” I laughed at Billy’s remark, but I didn’t know why. Oh yeah, I was drunk. “Ooooooook Billay!” I sauntered over to him and put my arm around his waist, “Lead the way!” He just took one look at me and grimaced, “Oh man, she’s plastered.” Benji came over and I leaned on him as we headed into the pit. We were in the pit for like 5 hours. I was on Benji’s shoulders at one point, but I kinda toppled off. “I wanna crowd surf! Throw me up Benj!” He just shook his head at me, “Not when you’re this drunk. You might hurt yourself.” I ignored him and tapped the guy next to me, “I wanna crowd surf, will you push me up there?” I smiled and batted my eyes. He grabbed me around the waist and threw me up on top of the crowd. I ended up right in front of the stage, where the security guard helped me down. Jimmie’s Chicken Shack was playing, and I started jumping up and down and yelling, “Hey Jimmie! Hey! It’s Katie!!” His face broke out in a huge grin, “Oh my gosh. Hey guys! Guess what? One of my friends is here in the mosh pit! Should we pull her on stage?” The crowd roared. He reached down and pulled me up onto the stage. He gave me a huge hug and I waved at everybody down in the pit, before I said bye to Jimmie and jumped into the crowd.

Later, when the bands were winding down, at about midnight, I pulled out my cell phone so I could call Joel and find out where the guys were. “Joel? Where are you guys?” Somebody handed me a beer and I slurped it down. “Um…me and Billy are over by the merchandise booth. But we don’t know where Paul and Benj are.” I downed another beer, “Hang on, be there in a few.” I finished drinking my beer and headed off to find the guys. When I got to the merchandise stand, Billy was the only one standing there. “Hey, Joel went off to find the others.” I nodded and slumped against him. “Billy, I love you.” He just looked at me like I was nuts. “Yeah I love you too, we all do. Now what the heck is wrong with you?” I smiled up at him, “Nothing’s wrong. I love you.” Yeah I was really drunk. Really really drunk. I leaned up against him and pressed my lips to his. He didn’t resist, even though he knew I was drunk and that this would probably get us in trouble. He kissed me back. He laced his fingers together behind my back; I wrapped my arms around his neck. We were really going at it now, making out, not just clandestine kissing. “What the f-?” I pulled away from Billy, turning around to find an enraged Benji. “Hi Benj, what’s going on?” I could practically see the steam coming out of his ears. “What’s going on? What the hell, Katie? You were making out with Billy! You little slut! And what the hell, Billy? You know that she’s dating me, what are you doing?” I glared at him, “Lighten up Benji.” He exploded. “Lighten up? You whore! I cannot believe I’m in love with you, when you’re apparently not that in love with me!” He rushed off. I just didn’t get it at that point, I was too wrecked. “What is up with him?” Joel grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. Billy pulled him off me, “Come on man, you can’t reason with her when she’s drunk. Let’s get her home. You go get Benji.” He put his arm around me and brought me back to the car, where I promptly fell asleep.
*~~***~~**~~*>

“Drain the pressure from the swelling,
The sensations overwhelming,
Give me a long kiss goodnight
and everything will be alright
Tell me that I won't feel a thing
So give me Novacaine”
– Green Day<
*~~***~~*


When I came to, I was in my bed at the Madden’s house. I sat up; it was the middle of the night. I was very confused, I thought we left HSFstival at midnight…oh my gosh, was it the NEXT night? God I must have been drunk. I got up, discovering I was in my underwear. I grabbed the hoodie and jeans that were lying next to my bed and opened the door slowly. I heard voices coming from a room down the hall, the twins’ room. I crept closer to the partially open door.

“I just can’t believe she would do something like that!”

“She was drunk Benj, it didn’t mean anything.”

“Yeah but Billy wasn’t drunk and he kissed her back!”

“What else was I supposed to do? I was afraid if I pushed her away she’d walk away and get lost or hurt or something.”

“That’s not an excuse Billy! Do you have feelings for her? Cuz if you do, then you should just tell us already! Don’t do something slimy like that.”

“Maybe I felt something for her, but I know how much she loves you Benji, and I’d never try and break you guys up. It was an honest mistake to kiss her back.”

“I know you’d never break us up, and I know it was a mistake. It hurts though. I love her so much, and I thought she loved me too. But now I’m afraid that she doesn’t love me as much as I thought she did.”

“She does love you. She loves you so much. She was just really drunk and didn’t know what she was doing.”“But it still happened.”

“Yeah it did happen. But you guys need to work it out. You’re meant for each other. We all know it.”

“I don’t know if I can trust her again.”

I pushed the door open slowly, revealing Benji and Joel sitting on Benji’s bed, and Billy and Paul lounging on the floor. “Hey guys…” I smiled weakly. Benji dropped his head down into his hands. Joel gave me a weak smile. “Hi Katie. Come in.” I plopped down on the floor next to Billy, who put his arm around me. “Benj...” He wouldn’t even look at me. I crossed over to the bed and knelt in front of him. “Benji, look at me. Benjamin Levi Madden, look at me.” He looked up. “Benj I don’t even know what happened last night. I don’t remember a thing. Maybe I will later. But whatever I did, it hurt you deeply. So I’m apologizing for whatever I did that caused you so much pain.” He took my face in his hands, “You had too much to drink and you made out with Billy.” I just stared at him in shock, “Holy shit! I did that?” He nodded glumly. “Oh my god, Benji I am so sorry. You know I love you and that I would never have done that if I were sober. I’m so sorry.” I threw my arms around him. He held me, and we both shed tears. “Can you forgive me?” He pulled away from me. “I love you, so I have to. But I don’t know if I can trust you not to hurt me like that again.” I pulled him against me once more. “You’re going to have to. If you truly love me, you’ll have to believe in me.”

I looked up at the stadium, looming impressively in the sunlight. “Penny for your thoughts…” I turned to see Joel standing there. “Nothing…just remembering things.” He nodded knowingly, “The 1997 HFStival? I remember that.” I smiled as he wrapped his arms around me. “It wasn’t such a great day, the bands were awesome, but I was so afraid for a while there that I had lost Benji.” I realized the gravity of what I’d just said. “I have lost Benji.” Joel spun me around, “Nah, he’s with you always. In here.” He took my hand and placed it over my heart. “And in here.” He placed my hand over his heart. “And I still think he’s communicating silently with me sometimes, you know, in my head. Like saying take care of Katie. Make sure she’s happy. And that he loves you.” I smiled. It was a pretty picture.